PART 1She was just browsing through her favourite social networking website, checking messages and peeping into the links of her friends to see if any of her girlfriends has had an affair or if they were about to break up or any spicy gossip that she was yet unaware of and which she can possibly ignite! At the same time she was listening to the new rage “Hips don’t lie” by Shakira and shaking to its catchy beat. Now she was smiling meaningfully at the sms she just received which said “Come online sweetheart, I am dying to talk to you”. Her reply, “I am already here Darling, waiting for you since ages!”. In moments a window popped open on the messenger and she became excited to see her “friend” online –ready to be drifted into another 3-4hour long episode of Alice in wonderland!
PART 2It was the moment that they both had waited for. He felt calm. She was nervous. After changing into normal clothes, he was to do his part with grace and expertise gained through lots of research as well as hose boyish advices from married friends. Suddenly he sensed that something was wrong. She seemed disturbed and was shaking slightly.
“Are you cold? Should I turn the A.C. down honey??
“ No. It isn’t that”. She said in a meek voice after a long silence. “I am just not ready!” and a silent tear rolled down the corner of her eye.
He was shocked! Not even in his worst dreams had he thought of seeing his beloved cry on the first touch. After cajoling the pretty doll some more and not getting the desired response he let go of the grace part and became an animal altogether. He had the societal and religious approval for it so why not then? He put a hand to her mouth firmly; suppressing her slight screams of pain and did it to his best! When he was through she was numb and emotionless. He became fidgety, got up, took his cigarette and started smoking in the balcony making circles in the air. A long silence prevailed. A pregnant silence….
An hour passed. He came back.
They both slept again with their back against each other.
It was a night they had always dreamt of.
It was a night that they wish they would forget. Now !
What Went Wrong? They both wondered!
They used to plan of a life full of love and care. Their dreams seldom touched practicality. When they talked about their life together they seemed to float on a thick cloud of romance. It never occurred to them that the practical life which everyone spoke of around them was not limited to the hassle of home, job, finances and security, but some other things as well which were largely left unspoken. They never thought that the closeness they both yearned for also came with a lot of compromise and a willingness to understand the needs of your partner. Respect is not only for a person’s emotions, mind and body, but for the basic human desire as well which needs to be controlled from turning into animal appetite.
This short real-life anti-climax may seem difficult to digest by readers who have yet to attain connubial bliss and they take it as fiction rather than a glaring, staring hard fact of the foundation of marital life. Whether arranged or love marriage a couple has to face this point. Ignorance is not always bliss. No matter how much we love a person this issue cannot be ignored as it is a basic human need. When this is not mutually agreed upon all love is lost that was easily built before marriage. No amount of love and care means more to a woman than the respect a man gives to her body. It is believed that a woman gives her body to get love while a man gives love to get her body. It’s a common complaint that females resist the ‘doing it’ decision on the first night while the male stands bewildered ,having been allowed by moral standards ,thinking, “Wasn’t this the ‘thing’ she also wanted ?”
What is pure love then? Does it exist or all love is towards the satisfaction of a basic human desire? Here’s a factual tangent to this topic.
As far as the internet scene is concerned you may not even know if the person in pics or in written declaration is the ‘real deal’ or just how he/she wants you to perceive him/her. It can also be that people do continue to adore the person they fall head-over-heels in love with at first sight. However, it can also be that later on they discover that it was actually the style of talking or material well-being that initially attracted them and helped in staying attracted for good! Only if Lady Luck, decides not to be ‘so-lady-like’ and puts them through a trying time do they realize that they never were compatible! One of these utterly non-serendipitous test is that how much you are getting married to a ‘gender’ and how much to a ‘person’. To put it bluntly, whether you want a ‘soul-mate’ or a ‘body-mate’.
PART 3This article is an attempt from a girl who is yet to see that point in her life but supplemented with views of her peers and experienced people it forced her to take upon a social issue-a Social Taboo as you may call it. What is taken as animated stories by newly-wed girls and a poking joke by un-eligible bachelors is usually something that is condemned by law. But like most taboos no one accepts it is even there! Yes, we are talking about the grave issue of Marital Rape. A term that makes you grimace just by reading it out. We are not just talking about not using contraceptives and creating unwanted babies without the consent of the ‘body’ which is their first home-that too is one of the issues that may be brought to light later.
|"NO" means NO !!|
What men don’t understand is that they need to be gentle and to underplay the whole scene with a romantic rather than a sexual outlook. Holding hands, talking, and cajoling all might work, but pressurizing and commanding won’t and once done it would make something die ….deep down inside her forever. She becomes mechanical and starts thinking of her man as a giant municipal truck with its jaws opening and closing to pick the debris that lays ahead-her body. Until her emotions are involved,her body doesn’t ease up or respond in the desired manner. Those who had their bio lessons in high school know what this means precisely. So a tip to remember is ‘Value her emotions’ not ‘your actions’ -or the law comes after you !
Well! What the heck? If you are in Pakistan you shouldn’t even be reading this article there’s no red-zone for males.
Now comes the issue of a having a queue of heirs. Men say, “Why not?” Mostly middle-class or less-educated males (forget the illiterate ones) are found with this psycheThey have this dogged belief that a larger family is a proof of their masculinity. As if he gets a star-shaped badge every time the baby-making-machine (trust me there is one in process every hour in your area) is at the hospital for churning out the end-product. Even the well-educated, religiously inclined men say, “Contraceptives are not allowed in religion. Period!”. Well I am not a scholar by any means to give them a backed-up answer. All I ask is “Why not ‘control’ your desires then?? You don’t have to suffer. She does. For you it may just be 9 minutes. For her 9 months! Can’t you see? Can’t u feel? DID YOU EVER TALK TO HER ABOUT IT ?”
Well I once found this aunty-type religious activist telling my mom, “All my boys were in the million march. Oh yeah, all 9 of them. They are going to be Mujahids you know. So the more the merrier!”
Coming back to the actual point it is believed that all procreation is an enhancement of Muslim race so the womenfolk may as well keep their willingness out of the scene. I just have this one question to answer all the claims.” Muslims were in most need of men when they were fighting with kuffars in mekkah. They were in a ratio of 1:3 or maybe less, the Holy Prophet (SAW) had 13 wives, from them only 4 daughters. Can anyone tell me how many sons he had? Or even grandsons (besides the 2 we respect most)? Why doesn’t any religious male quote his lifestyle while discussing kids and all? How he used to treat his women? What he told Muslims to follow for the right of women?”
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